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February 5, 2020

Self-Love and Motherhood Go Hand-in-Hand

It’s normal to be concerned about the safety and development of a child! But at the same time, a mother may lose her sense of self in the rapidly turning world of her child’s development. Her own self-love turns to self-worry, her thoughts scrambling as she ponders and frets over her children, starting to eat away at her own identity and who she was before motherhood.

Motherhood sparks an immense lifestyle shift for most women. While there is intense, unimaginable joy in being a mother, with adoration and love for her baby and the wonder in her eye about the future, there is also the worry a mother feels when putting her child’s life before anything else. Her thoughts turn towards the needs of her child over everything else. What will they have to eat today? Have I dressed them appropriately for the weather? What do I need to prepare for them when they return from school or camp or my parents’ house?

Those worries are completely natural. It’s normal to be filled to the brim with concern over the safety and development of a child! But at the same time, a mother may lose her sense of self in the rapidly turning and tilting world of her child’s development, progress — and life. Her own self-love turns to self-worry, her thoughts scrambling as she ponders and frets over her children, starting to eat away at her own identity and who she was before motherhood.

Lani’s Story

Lani, a mother of twin three-year-old boys, says her identity is now being a mother. But with that identity, there came the need to keep her children progressing instead of regressing. Because her boys hesitated to learn potty training, she feared about their independence when they were going to start school, especially since she wouldn’t be there to provide and help them. This impacted her sense of identity as their mother because she worried if she was failing them by not having them prepared in what she believed to be a timely manner.

Her guilt is understandable and shared by many mothers, but it doesn’t have to be that way! You can have the best of both worlds — of motherhood and of your passions and of the joys that you had before your children came into your world. Both can be balanced, but as your children grow, you can grow with them and learn from them as they can from you.

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Love Yourself, Girl!

What should be done is learning how to accept those identities into one person: you as a whole. Self-love is an incredibly important and powerful tool, which your child can also learn by example. By simply loving yourself, you are embracing all aspects of yourself. You can be who you want to be by acknowledging and loving all the parts of your sparkling personality, outside goals, and internal thoughts.

Accepting that there are things beyond your control may be harmful to your identity as a mom, but it’s what makes you human. There will be bumps regarding your child and you, but it isn’t your fault. Life happens, and you can work these things through with positivity and understanding that sometimes, things are out of your control but can always be managed.

As They Grow, We Grow

Growth is also crucial. As your children grow, you grow with them. You experience new things together all the time. Introduce them to your hobbies, and they’ll do the same for you whether it’s drawing or watching a movie. It strengthens the bond between you and your child while also reaffirming yourself as your own individual.

Most importantly, remember to self-affirm. Tell yourself what a good job you are doing for even simple things like making a good pot of coffee. You need to remind yourself that you deserve it! You’ve made progress in little areas and towards the bigger picture. Try writing on Post-it notes reminders of your positive attributes and goals for the future to encourage your self-worth! Remember, you are unique and wonderful, and you are always worthy of being loved for who you are!


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